Final+Research+Paper

“Once there were two women who never knew each other. One you do not remember the other you call Mother. Two different lives shaped to make you one. One became your guiding star; the other became your sun….” (Author Unknown). When I first came to America in 1994 this poem was framed and hanging above my head board. Though it was something I could not read myself, I understood it symbolized something bigger. “Approximately 120,000 children are adopted each year in the United States.” (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.) Though adoption is beneficial to both the prospective parent and child, the emotional, and psychological effect of adoption upon the child is often not examined as thoroughly. Adoption is generally not something that occurs on a whim. It takes months and in some cases years of researching and preparation before a child is to be placed into the care of another family, or household. The process of adoption is time consuming, along with financially demanding depending on where you go to retrieve your child. Once the parent has retrieved their child, a good amount of money then goes to the doctor of physician that has been selected to do a physical evaluation. Many doctors do not make it a point to evaluate both physical and mental strength but primarily just physical, because that is what they are instructed to do. One the child is given the OK from the doctor their “new life” begins, and the parent now focuses on raising this new addition as one of their own, nurturing them, and doing their best at teaching the child right from wrong. Unfortunately, there is only so much a new parent can provide their child with. “Babies exposed to drugs, abuse, neglect, and those with genetic pre-dispositions to mental illness and physical disabilities are deemed “at-risk” before the adoptive parents even come into the picture.” (Viki M. Rumming. 1) and sadly, for many of these children the conditions they are exposed to are far from normal or healthy, which can set these children up with a negative mental outlook on life, while they are in a crucial mental developmental time period. “when the adoptee is separated from her birth mother, she undergoes extensive trauma. She will not remember this trauma, but it will stay in her subconscious as she lived it (Verrier, 1993). An event from a person’s infancy can and will stay with them through life.” Furthermore, for children, or teens that have sought out psychological treatment of some sort have been documented to have similar clinical issues. “Disrupted attachment of feelings of disconnectedness (especially in delayed adoptions). With infant adoptions there is a sense of ambiguous attachment, a tenuous sense of attachment. Even if loved, an adoptee may feel like they don’t fit in or belong in the family” (Adoption Dictionary. 2009), along with several other issues. Interestingly enough, though their have been many articles on the commonalities amongst different adoptee’s when it comes to their clinical issues, there are few if any precise and accurate treatments for children who are suffering from detachment, or sense of neglect, or slight depression. What can be done to help promote a new and fresher out look on life requires a good deal of searching. A child’s identity can also become compromised when they are adopted. One of the biggest struggles for a parent of an adopted child is when in fact to tell the child that they are biologically not their mother’s, or fathers. “Parents with an adopted child wonder whether, when, and how to tell their child that he or she is adopted. They also want to know if adopted children face special problems or challenges” (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.) Some believe it best to tell the child when they are older, so to allow the child with the opportunity to not allow the adoption to define who they are, or what they will and could become. The parent then see’s that by waiting until the child is older and more mature, they will be able to handle the adoption better than that of a mentally immature child. On the other hand, other parents view it best to tell the child when they are younger, by doing so, the parent can then carefully tell the child in a way that they can understand both what they are being told, and how it will effect their life. Another benefit to telling a child when they are younger is that in some cases, it may have the ability to strengthen the bond between adoptee and the parent, this is said to occur because the child then knows that the parent is someone they can trust to tell them the truth, and be open with them. Regardless of when a parent tells the adoptee that they were adopted, It is said that it is most important for the child to be told by the adoptive parent face to face. For most of the time, the end result of telling a child they are adopted is that of disbelief, or confusion, not often will it cause deep emotional discomfort, but sometimes unfortunately some children are not able to comprehend what the parent is telling them, and begin to shut down mentally. By shutting down to the parent, it causes further problems; primarily the adoptee will focus on the negative feelings towards themselves, their parent, and their family. Because each child’s mental stability, and life story is different, each scenario has the potential to also have a diverse rang of possible outcomes as to how the child may react, but it is important to tell the child in a way that is not seen as overwhelming, and also in a way that the child can understand. In conclusion, it is not the fault of the adoptive parent that can cause mental and emotion distress within a child, it is due to a vast variety of reasons. The events in which pave a future for the adoptee are already set in motion before the adoptive parent steps into the picture, and no one person should have a finger pointed at them In a blaming way. It is a series of events that occur from before the child is born, to how they are treated and raised after their separation from the biological mother. It is not enough to sit back after the adoption process is over and think to yourself, “You can comfort yourself with the knowledge that she is going to have the best life possible once she comes home to you. You did not do anything to cause your child to be in an orphanage, but you are doing something to bring her out of it.” (Beauvais.Laura- The Complete Adoption), it is not that easy. “The adoptee is also aware of many ghosts that follow her though life. These ghosts include the person she would have been had she not been adopted, the ghost of the birth mother and birth father, and the ghost of the adoptive family’s child that would have been (Lifton, 1994, chap.6)” Adoption is never easy for anyone involved. But it is important to understand that regardless of how much a parent of an adopted child will nurture and care for the adoptee, questions will always be raised, and in some cases, the answer to some of the questions a child may have, will not be enough to ease their minds. But knowing that a child has certain mental needs that need to be addressed is key to starting one’s family, and a simple trip to the doctor to check for physical illness is simply not enough. …“And now you ask me though your tears the age old question unanswered through the years. Heredity or environment, which are you a product of? Neither my darling, neither, just two different kinds of Love.” (Author Unknown)