Working+Draft

Senior Seminar Jessie Kem Paper Draft #1 10/29/09

Note: wonderful process for child and parent, the emotional psychological effect of adoption is often not examined,

-not always a positive effect -negative as well due to the sheer (humanitarian goodness) of adoption the negative emotional psychological impact is sometimes not examined.

“Once there were two women who never knew each other. One you do not remember the other you call Mother. Two different lives shaped to make you one. One became your guiding star; the other became your sun….” (Author Unknown). When I first came to America in 1994 this poem was framed and hanging above my head board. Though it was something I could not read myself, I understood it symbolized something bigger. “Approximately 120,000 children are adopted each year in the United States.” (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.) Though adoption is beneficial to both the prospective parent and child, the emotional, and psychological effect of adoption upon the child is often not examined. As common as adoption has become worldwide methods for handling adoption have not changed or evolved much. When researching ‘adoption’ one comes up with numerous sites all primarily focused on helping the new parents or parent with what they should expect with their child as time goes on. Some sites focus themselves on telling the new parent when the best time to tell their child they are adopted is, while others tell you the statistics of adopted children. There is no rule book on parenting, let alone how to be a good parent, so the task a prospective parent is faced with could seem more than daunting.

One may adopt a child for numerous reasons. One reason could be that they are not able to conceive a child of their own; another could be because they do not want to bear children of their own, but want to adopt a child who is in greater need. Regardless the reason, by choosing to adopt a child the prospective parent is choosing to dedicate their lives to this child. A very common issue that prospective parents are faced with is worrying about how the child will view itself when they are told they are adopted. “Parents with an adopted child wonder whether, when, and how to tell their child that he or she is adopted. They also want to know if adopted children face special problems or challenges” (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.) Some believe it best to tell the child when they are older, so that they do not allow their being adopted to define who they are, or what they will become. They see that by waiting until the child is older and more mature, they will be able to handle the adoption better than that of an mentally immature child. Others view it best to tell the child when they are younger, but in a way that the child can understand, so that way they can be allowed the proper time to let the adoption settle in and really process what it means for them. It is said that it is most important for the child to be told by the adoptive parent that they were adopted and the reason for the adoption, so that the child can feel more comfortable with that individual allowing the child to build a stronger bond with them them. Unfortunately some children are not able to comprehend what the parent is telling them, and begin to shut down mentally. This is dangerous because when a child shuts down towards the adoptive parent, they are no longer listening to the reasons on why they were adopted, but primarily focus on the negative feelings towards themselves, their parent, and their family.

There was a psychological evaluation amongst adoptees that have sought treatment of some type. Some commonalities were, “disrupted attachment of feelings of disconnectedness (especially in delayed adoption). With infant adoptions there is a sense of ambiguous attachment, a tenuous sense of attachment. Even if loved, an adoptee may fee like they don’t fit in or belong in the family.” “Feelings of rejection. Understanding concept of relinquishment,” “Difficulty in differentiating from family of origin/birth family culture.” It is sometimes difficult to determine what causes such deep seated issues amongst adopted children, but regardless of the answer, it is common enough amongst these children that mentally there is some sort of rift.

Children who are orphans and up for adoption are generally living in the poorer areas of the globe, malnutrition, disease, and death is common amongst many of these children. In 1999 there were 82,46,11,911 orphans living worldwide. Statistics show that 42,000 children are orphaned every day, 400,000 orphans die yearly due to malnutrition, 70% are in dire need of food, and 60 million orphans ‘go to bed hungry’. The conditions in which many of these children are living before they are even adopted are shameful. Orphanages simply do not have the necessary tools and supplies to hold the number of children who arrive at their doorstep every day. Such malnourishment causes many children to develop problems over time. Mentally many of these children are just not right. Studies have shown that a good number of children adopted suffer with poor mental health due to a multitude of reasons. Some are due to the fact that when they are inside their mother’s whom they are being exposed to alcohol, therefore causing them to suffer from fetal-alcohol syndrome, others are not supplied with the proper nutrients when they are developing along with receiving the right nutrition after they have exited the mother’s womb. “Physical illnesses are not the only problems adoptees face. The adoption community fairly crackles with disagreement about adoptees’ emotional-behavioral problems and cognitive disabilities.” (Oleck.Joan- Ebsco) Answers on how we can better prevent the children of tomorrow from suffering what the children of today are vague, but experts are working on this, from what causes these issues, how we can prevent further neurological damage, and how we can give these children better proper care.

It is not that parents do not care for the child they have sought to adopt, it is that generally the mental state of the child is overlooked in the scheme of the whole adoption process. Many parents retrieve their children, bring them home to their family doctor for a physical evaluation, and after being cleared with “good health” they return home to begin their life with this child. Many adopting parents do not think that a child could have neurological damage because they can communicate properly with the parent, interact with other children, or excel in numerous activities, so a trip to a psychiatrist is not as common, because it is felt to be a non issue, primarily due to the fact that, “You can comfort yourself with the knowledge that she is going to have the best life possible once she comes home to you. You did not do anything to cause your child to be in an orphanage, but you are doing something to bring her out of it.” (Beauvais.Laura- The Complete Adoption) The prospective parent is not thinking about the child in the future because why should they? They have saved this child from a dangerous and unrewarding life. They will make everything better.